Five New Year’s Resolutions to Avoid in 2014

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore but I thought that I would share some of the worst that the advertising media has come up with this year. I really don’t have anything against making resolutions to change ourselves for the better. Our lives and our bodies constantly change throughout our lifetimes. But when the advertisement media gets a hold of even a tiny piece of data they try to directly connect it to our inner most personal wants and wishes. If you follow their lead, you will end up spending your money with little or no results to show for it.

LOSING WEIGHT ON AN EXERCISE MACHINE

An exercise machine has to be at the top of the list of the most boring machines that was ever invented by man. We naturally gain weight over the winter due to not working in our yards and gardens and eating too much around the holidays. By the end of the summer, that weight gain will be gone but we are too impatient to wait. I have a Walkfit treadmill in the basement that I bought 25 years ago. It was being demonstrated in a mall by a cute twenty year old something who looked great to me! So I bought the machine and had it delivered to my home. Three months later I got a call from the company asking me how I liked the treadmill and I told them, “I can’t honestly say, I haven’t opened the box yet!” It’s still in our basement after 25 years. I’m hoping that someday it will be a collector’s item!

CLEANING OUT THE BASEMENT

We moved to Canandaigua almost 15 years ago and both Jeanette and I brought with us some of our most prized possessions. But after 15 years, most of these things still reside in the basement as they are prized only as past memories which linger in our heads! For example – my wool suits that I used to wear to IBM when I worked at IBM Endicott. But who wears suits today? Certainly not to work, not even to church! And besides, those suits were meant to fit a man who was much smaller that he is today! The reason that cleaning out the basement doesn’t work is that all of the things that are stored there are remembrances of days gone by – and who really wants to forget the “good old days”?

THREE FOODS THAT YOU MUST AVOID TO LOSE BELLY FAT

Usually this ad is connected with a picture of a banana. And what do you think that I have with my breakfast each morning? That’s right – a banana! Where do these people come from? – Certainly not Wegmans or Wal-Mart.  I was taught that bananas are the perfect fruit as they come with their own natural wrapping and are rich in vitamin K. So I went to my Doctor and asked him how to lose my belly fat and he said “You have to cut down on bread, potatoes, pasta, cereals, rolls…. “Stop” I said, “are you trying to kill me? Those are the exact foods that I eat along with a banana on my cereal in the morning!”

EAT THIS ONE FOOD TO LOSE WEIGHT WITH LITTLE EXERCISE

By now you should be grasping the big picture. I haven’t even investigated this ad as I am afraid that this one food is some kind of a poison and ingestion of this food over a long period of time (of which there is probably no scientific data) will result in your final demise. Our bodies require exercise. This I know to be true. When I was growing up on the farm, we drank raw milk, ate vegetables out of my mother’s organic garden (fertilized with rotted cow manure), and ate the same grains (corn meal mush) that the animals did. And we weren’t fat.

WHEN THE MOMENT IS RIGHT

This is the ad for Cialis. Every five year old knows this ad by heart as it is repeatedly run on television almost every day. Honestly folks, do you really believe this nonsense?  Do you remember your parents sitting in two separate bath tubs sipping a glass of Cialis laced champagne and waiting for the right moment? If you do, then I have a bridge that I want to sell you….

HAPPY NEW YEAR!